


I MUST BE LONELY

by TopherIsATribble



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Bipolar Gob Bluth, Brothers taking care of brothers, Gen, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 06:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15212738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopherIsATribble/pseuds/TopherIsATribble
Summary: GOB is struggling. Michael is the only one that can help. Title taken from 3 AM by Matchbox Twenty.





	I MUST BE LONELY

It’s days like these that GOB absolutely hates. The days when he doesn’t know how he feels, other than unreal. The days when he’s happy but sad but excited but exhausted but anxious but numb. It’s impossible for him to describe with anything other than “fucked up”. His heart races, and he feels nauseous, and it feels like time is slowing down and speeding up around him all at once and his body feels like a cage, but he also feels like he isn’t in it at the same time.

It’s days like these where he wants to be held. Somehow, having arms wrapped around him always helps, not necessarily because it’s intimate and he needs someone, but because the pressure grounds him and makes him feel real. He’s never quite found anyone that can help him like that, at least not as a romantic partner; while he’s always tried to give off the idea that he’s a womanizer, women don’t do anything for him, and he’s never actually been with a guy. So far, the only person in his life who’s ever helped is Michael, and that’s because when they were younger, Michael found the key to stop GOB from freaking out the way he usually does when he feels this way.

It’s not like GOB hasn’t tried to fix this before. In fact, he went to the shrink, just like Michael said he should. He was bipolar, they said. Crazy. They had put him on meds, which had made this feeling come up a lot less often, but he had stopped them not too long after being put on them. He hated the way they made him feel even more than he felt when he felt like this, hated that they kept him from being able to focus on his illusions and changed who he was. So he had to find other ways to deal with it instead.

Michael would be at the office today. Perfect Michael, who could function and keep the family together in a way that no one else could. Perfect Michael, who still sneered at him when he wasn’t functional at all even though he knew it wasn’t something GOB could control. Perfect Michael, who everybody loved, who had a good kid and a good head on his shoulders and wasn’t crazy like GOB. Perfect Michael, who was the only one who could help him right now.

GOB sighs as he gets ready to head to the office. He’s not too far, so he takes his Segway; it’s safer to stay on the sidewalks than to drive when he feels this way. One of the side effects of feeling like his body is a cage but that he’s also not quite in it is that he gets literal tunnel vision; It’s almost like his eyes have sunken in and his peripherals are the inside of his eye sockets.

When he makes it to the office building, he quickly takes the elevator up to park his Segway in his brother’s office before he goes to look for his younger brother, who looks put-together as always and is smiling as usual. At first, when GOB enters the room, where there’s a meeting taking place, Michael looks annoyed; however, a moment later, the look on his face changes to one of concern, likely when he sees the expression on GOB’s face. GOB wishes he knew what was going through Michael’s head right now as he listens (well, overhears, since he can’t focus on anything or put any meaning to words at all) while Michael quickly wraps up the meeting and tells the Bluth Company Employees that they will reconvene tomorrow.

The first words GOB does actually hear that he can process are spoken in Michael’s soft voice, the one he uses when he knows something is really wrong. “Hey, GOB, come on… Let’s go talk in my office.”

GOB swallows. “My Segway is already in there.” He knows that Michael hates it when GOB goes into the office when he isn’t in there, almost as much as their father hated it. He sometimes has fun arguing with Michael, but he really hates it when Michael is actually mad and yells at him. He doesn’t know. His heart starts to pound and he waits for the yelling to come, but it doesn’t.

“Okay, GOB, that’s fine. Come on.” He feels his brother’s warm, steady hand on his shoulder, and GOB visibly relaxes. He lets his brother lead him to the office, where Michael closes the door softly and turns out the lights. GOB knows it’s weird, but they found out a couple years after finding out that being held helps GOB that having the lights out helps, too, because it makes the environment calmer, quieter.

GOB lets himself be led to sit on the floor behind Michael’s desk; it’s more private back there, and also helps to block out a little more of the light and bustle of the rest of the floor. Michael sits first, and he doesn’t even hesitate to pull GOB into his lap and wrap his arms around him, despite the size difference. GOB curls up and rests his forehead in the crook of Michael’s neck, where GOB’s tears begin to fall. Michael doesn’t say anything for a while; instead, as GOB’s arms wrap around him, he adjusts the pressure of his own to match GOB’s, their own nonverbal way of being sure that GOB is getting what he needs.

After a few moments, GOB takes a shaky breath. “It’s really bad today Michael… Worse than usual.” He doesn’t have to look at Michael to know that his younger brother has that concerned frown on his face.

“Do you know why, GOB?” Michael’s first question is like his approach to life: Always trying to get to the root of the problem to see if it can be fixed that way.

“N-no,” GOB chokes out with a cough. “It just… Came on. It was okay when I woke up, but then it just happened, and nothing feels real, and my head is screaming at me, Michael, and I just need it to stop, I need it to stop right now-”

Michael cuts him off by hugging him tighter. “Okay. Okay, GOB. I don’t know if we can make it stop, but we can sit here as long as you need to. What do you mean your head is screaming at you?”

“I mean it’s screaming at me, Michael. It’s saying all these things at once, only I can’t tell what they’re saying, but it’s also like I’m in a silent room and you know how they say that silence is deafening and it’s like THAT, Michael.”

“Okay, GOB, okay… Do you want me to keep talking to you or do you want me to be quiet?”

“Please, Michael, please keep talking. Just say anything. Anything. It can be boring stuff about the company, or stuff about how you guys all really hate me, or-”

He’s cut off again when Michael squeezes him tighter, almost painfully so. “I don’t hate you, GOB. I can’t speak for anybody else, but you are my brother, and you’re my family, and no matter how often you make me angry, I still love you. Dad can try to pit us against each other all he wants, and maybe it works sometimes, but GOB, I will always be here for you. For some reason, I just can’t seem to stay out of this family.”

GOB can feel his body and mind calming a little, enough to actually understand Michael’s words. As he listens, he curls even closer, his grip relaxing as he lets out a shaky sigh. Michael’s grip matches in return as he starts to go on about the company until finally GOB speaks. “Maybe some quiet now.”

Michael obliges, and GOB continually relaxes, until finally, he’s dozing off in his brother’s arms. By the time that happens, they’ve been in there about an hour and a half (and GOB wonders where the time’s gone) and the work day is over and people are leaving. 

GOB is startled as Michael nudges him awake. “Come on, GOB. I have to get home, you can come to the model home tonight and have the couch at lease. Let’s get your Segway into the stair car and I’ll drive you home.”

GOB hesitates before nodding. It takes a moment to wake himself and steady himself enough to stand so that Michael can stand, too. GOB looks at the Segway; he would ride it, but he still really wants contact with his little brother. Michael looks at him and nods, seeming to understand. 

“We can come back for it tomorrow. Or you can drag it behind you. Your choice, GOB.”

GOB swallows and reaches for it with one arm to drag it behind him; he feels Michael’s hand return to his shoulder and he lets himself be led to the elevator and the stair car. Michael’s hand leaves his shoulder to bring the Segway up to the top of the stair car, where Michael has finally had the brilliant idea to get bungee cords so he can secure things to the top. Michael soon climbs back down, tells GOB it’s secure, and helps GOB into the car. Not too long after (GOB still can’t feel time properly) they’re at the model home.

It takes GOB a moment to bring himself to get out of the stair car. Michael doesn’t go in; rather, he waits for GOB to be ready, climbing up to get the Segway to take inside with them. When GOB gets out, Michael passes him the Segway before returning his hand to GOB’s shoulder, leading him in.

The two are inseparable for the majority of the rest of the night; when GOB sprawls out on the sofa like he usually does when he’s over, Michael is in the chair beside the sofa, just maintaining proximity until it’s time for bed.

After Lindsay, Tobias, Maeby, and George Michael have gone to bed, it’s just GOB and Michael in the living room when Michael says, “Look, GOB… I need to get some sleep. I have to be at work pretty early tomorrow. You going to be okay on the couch?”

GOB’s heart immediately starts pounding and he gets anxious. “Don’t leave me, Michael,” he chokes out, a sob escaping him as his mind and body start feeling the way they were earlier. He’s quickly up from the couch, launching himself at Michael in the chair.

Michael once again wears his annoyed face at first before sighing. “Okay, GOB… You can come to my room and we can split the bed like when we were kids. Just no getting busy with yourself.” GOB can tell from Michael’s voice that the barb is one of familiarity, not truly to chastise him.

“O-okay, Michael,” GOB chokes out, forcing himself to get off of Michael so that they can head to Michael’s room. Michael’s hand returns to GOB’s shoulder, and when they make it up to Michael’s room, Michael tells GOB that he can borrow this pair of pajama pants that he accidentally got too big and just have an older, stretched out t-shirt. Michael steps into the bathroom to change while GOB changes in the bedroom, leaving his expensive clothes in a heap on the floor. When he was more clear in the head, he would usually take better care of them, but all that mattered right now was getting his head to stop.

Just as GOB finishes changing, Michael returns from the bathroom, nodding for GOB to climb in. “Come on, GOB.”

GOB nods before climbing in beside his brother. “Thanks, Michael,” he murmurs and he curls up close, his head finding its way to a comfortable spot by Michael’s shoulder, where he breathed in deep and lets out another shaky sigh.

“You’re welcome, GOB.” He feels Michael’s hand run through his hair and he closes his eyes. He relaxes much sooner this time, and it isn’t long before he drifts off into a deep slumber once Michael drapes an arm over him. He stays close to his brother, his mind finally quiet.

Asleep.


End file.
